Combat Tips For The Active Anarchist

So you wanna punch some Nazis. Who doesn’t? I support groups like Antifa in a general sense for the sole reason that there needs to be someone, somewhere, reminding all of us that living inside a Corporate State under economic fascism and just going along with it is fucking insane. I completely understand the rationale behind smashing up a building, or Nazis, because nothing else is getting anyone’s attention. Even Dr. King saw it. “I think that we’ve got to see that a riot is the language of the unheard.“, he told America in 1963. By now, millions of people have seen the video of a female Antifa protester getting punched by a Nazi fuck. She landed a shot to his throat as well, but it’s hard to throw a punch with any force behind it when you’re being leveled by a dude with 50 pounds on you.

After watching a few different clips of recent brawls, it seems like someone should address the bandanna-wearing elephant in the room- for a bunch of anarchists, y’all muthafuckas need to rethink your combat strategy. Here’s some handy tips that I hope will find their way to the good people out there in the streets.

Stop Telling Social Media You’re Going To Commit Felonies

Seriously. You just premeditated your assault and put yourself on blast. Now, in addition to getting hit by a grown man who was at least taught to step into a punch, you’ve likely got some felony assault charges along with whatever additional charges people get simply for protesting. Stop it. It’s fucking dumb. Make these Antifa rules: In The Spirit of Anonymity, Don’t Fucking Tell Facebook You’re About To Commit A Crime” and “Never Commit a Misdemeanor in the Process of Committing a Felony”

Y’all Look Like You Know Your Way Around A Mosh Pit- Act Like It

Every time I see one of y’all get knocked to the ground, there’s someone there to pick up their buddy. Good job. That’s Mosh Pit 101. Ya know what else is? Knees, elbows, and keep fucking moving. You’re in a close-quarter melee with a bunch of skinheads. Chances are, those douchebags have been in a few fights. Or know some MMA shit. It’s a legitimate reason for those dudes to strip down, sweat on and hold each other, and let their fists yell what their dicks only whisper. So make yourself a better-defended, moving target.

Rioting Is Strenuous. Remember Basic Exercise Protocol

Stretch. You’re trying to avoid getting arrested, yeah? Nothing worse than running out of steam three blocks away from your ride and change of clothes. You did bring a change of clothes, didn’t you? At least trade in the hoodie and bandanna for a shirt with a generic slogan and a pussy hat.

Learn To Duck. (Or, Don’t Fucking Lead With Your Chin)

Not fer nuthin’, but I’ve yet to see too many Nazis neglect to telegraph their punches from several days ago, spelled out clearly, with reminders sent. With that in mind, avoid stepping directly into the direct path of anyone’s fist. Remember, you’re trying to protect yourself and minimize yourself as a target. Duck the punch. You can always trip the guy.

The deck is firmly stacked against you, Antifa. You’ve got most of the country saying “Well, I don’t like Nazis, but…” and it doesn’t matter how the sentence ends. Everyone is quick so to condemn the violence that your message gets completely swept under the rug.

Because it is insanity to wake up every day in a country holds corporate will in higher regard than the public’s.

Because most Americans never bothered to hear Dr. King when he said riots were the language of the unheard. You block a bridge or a street or, yeah, battle Nazis and cops for the exact reason that it forces people out of their climate-controlled, instant gratification world. It’s supposed to inconvenience them. It’s literally the only thing that works until a non-violent movement stands next to you with leaders strong enough carry the message into the national consciousness.

Because now the media can convince the public that you’re the exact same as the Nazis you’re fighting, and this has nothing to do with Trump or our two-party system. And the public will believe it because your message is gone.

Because this is America, and disrupting the status quo is by far worse than speaking out against a fascist, corporate state.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *